Anyone who knows me is convinced that I am a booster of the city of Chicago. That I frequently see things wrong with the city doesn't detract from the fact that I think that Chicago's the best place on Earth to live. Sure, I wish we could do something about smoothing out the weather patterns and about reducing the greed that pervades our political structure and, sure, I think that there's too much crime and too much poverty. But, on the whole, many of these things are the same in other big cities and they don't have Chicago's architecture, its skyline, its cleanliness and its friendly people.
For that reason, I find one thing particularly objectionable. It's those companies that advertise in Chicago and hire out-of-town agencies to prepare and produce their TV and radio commercials. There's a lot of talent in the city that's being ignored. More important, there's a lot of talent that knows how to get around the city. And there are a lot of people who know how to pronounce the city's name.
My hackles rise to particular heights when I hear some friendly voice in a TV commercial talk about the wonders of Chicaahgo. I know immediately that he's selling a product I don't want to buy. On the other hand, I don't mind paying attention to the pitchman who talks about something which will make the people in Chicawgo feel better. It's always that middle syllable that trips them up. It's pronounced like a crow bellowing for its mate.
Our economy is bemoaning the loss of jobs in the city. Many jobs are fleeing to small towns, a lot more are going off shore and will never be heard from again. Whether those service jobs have moved to Pakistan or India or to Taiwan, the voices come back to you on the phone totally unable to pronounce the name Chicawgo. When they're telling us to buy something locally—or even when they're giving us the names of some locations for their products, they seem to have trouble with the pronunciation of the street names.
We do have some names that are stumpers. For example, most people anywhere else in the world will pronounce the street De' vun with the accent on the first syllable. We say De Vahn' with the accent at the end. Non-Chicagoans also have trouble with our pronunciation of Goethe Street. Most Chicagoans have trouble with it too, but our bus drivers have solved the problem and know that avenue as Go Thee Street.
Those outlanders have trouble with the names of some of our suburbs. Des Plaines is a problem for them, so is Kankakee, and Bourbonnais gives everyone a headache. Only a few people have trouble with Cicero and Stone Park, but they seem tongue tied when they try to talk about Joliet—some say Joli yeah.
And our streets have directions that are also confusing. For example, on the South Side, Hyde Park Boulevard intersects Hyde Park Boulevard at 5100 south. On the North Side, Lake Shore Drive runs north and south except where it runs east and west. And Sheridan Road crosses Broadway several times before it becomes a street that heads up to the north suburbs. If you send someone to the intersection of Broadway and Sheridan, you have to specify the exact crossing you have in mind. That seems like a duplication of effort.
So I propose a solution to the problem, one used by many cab drivers. Get a street guide and ban from all local broadcasting channels and TV stations those people who can't pass basic Chicagoese, which is admittedly another language. It might also help to organize classes in "Chicagoese as a second language." This could include segments on the "dese, dems and dose" of normal street talk, and could also include a section on the correct local pronunciation of our streets' names, but most important of all we need people who know how to pronounce the city's name. I think that any company that advertises to the citizens of Chicaahgo should have its products confiscated and then be banned from entry into the city.
And then, we should hold an auction of all these goods on either the east/ west segment or the north/ south segment of lower Wacker Drive. I'll get back to you on that. |
