This is another one of those columns which beat back the ravages of contemporary advertising lingo and try to make sense out of the sometimes wild offers that show up on the tube. It's also another stab at being the friendly curmudgeon who uses irony, sarcasm and a bunch of other devices taught in creative writing classes. Incidentally, I never took a creative writing class in my life. Some will surely say that this void in my educational background shows up in what is published under my name.
But back to TV advertising. I've noticed a couple of companies who spend a lot of money advertising the services or merchandise they sell and conclude their ads by having their spokesperson say "Thanks, Buy Owner," or "Thanks, Wash and Curl." I suppose this is intended by the not-too-bright copy writers as meaning that the user of their product is ever grateful for the invention that allowed this item to be brought to market.
But, if you dissect the ad, you see a company paying a model and a hunk of cash to a TV station to promote their product. Who should be thanked for the product? What happens if you buy it and find it doesn't do what the cheery faced TV actor says it will do for you? Suppose, in the case of the outfit that sells the products that let you put your house on the market without the benefit of any professional real estate agent's advice, you make a mistake. Real estate, especially a house, is probably a family's most valuable possession.
You want to sell it, for whatever reason, and don't want to pay a broker five, six or seven percent of the selling price for their marketing advice and assistance. So, you go to the company that says you can do it yourself and buy their package of sales tools and a book of advice on how to go about becoming your own real estate broker. But in addition to being at home, there are a few things you should know before putting your house on the market. One thing that's obvious is the knowledge of how much your house is worth. There is a whole professional field of people who devote their working lives to finding the answer to that. They are called appraisers. Most of the professionals have to go through years of rigid training before they are qualified to come up with the answer.
If you set the price too low on your property, the chances are you will net far less than if you had hired a Realtor for the job. If you set the price too high, there won't be any offers to buy it and you'll ultimately have to reduce the price. Frequent price reductions on real estate give the impression that something's wrong with the property and the price is reduced to compensate for that flaw.
Then, you should have a lot of legal material on hand. Lawyers are also professionals and many, though not all of them, deal in matters relating to real estate. You should know what information the law requires that you give to the potential buyer in the arena of "full disclosure." You should also be aware that in preparing a contract, arcane regulations and legal principles are at stake. But you have opted to be a legal expert as well as an appraiser.
Finally, you have to be a salesman. You should know how to arrange the house to make it appealing to a potential buyer. You should know what to repaint, what to repair, what to remove from the house to give rooms an appearance of size and how to meet and greet potential buyers. It doesn't hurt, either, to know when to shut up and not try to oversell your house or apartment.
So, when you hear "Thanks, Buy Owner," remember you're hearing a sales pitch by the people who promote personal sale of property without the use of professional assistance. There are probably times when this process works for the benefit of the seller — you — but there are times when it doesn't. It's a risk you have to be aware of in the process of saving money.
Now, on to shampoo. Does anyone ever thank the manufacturer of a product that they buy in a local drug store, use and enjoy? I don't remember ever showing enthusiastic gratitude for anything like that. I can understand thanking doctors for saving your life, or a minister for helping you through a critical personal problem. But thanking the manufacturer of a shampoo seems, somehow, a little over the top.
Finally, there's a prescription product that's supposed to help your eyes produce more tears. For soap opera fans, it is probably an ideal addition to your medicine chest. But when the actress, who once was a minor celebrity in a long forgotten TV series called "Northern Exposure," looks directly into the camera and says "Thanks, Restasis," I could laugh until the tears that came to my eyes would obviate any need for the product she's pitching.
TV commercials are always trying to capture your attention and convince you that the product they are promoting is something you can't possibly live without. Watching them is a part of experiencing life in the 21st Century. When cable TV was first introduced, one of its selling points was that, by paying for the broadcasting service, you would be able to avoid listening to commercials. That promise, like so many other come-ons, has never been fulfilled. The cable bill comes in regularly and the cable companies are double dipping because they now have almost as many commercial interruptions to their programming as do the non-cable broadcast networks. Even though they're not bound by the same rules, they have no qualms about tossing 15 minutes of commercials at viewers during prime time hours.
And cable prices have been going up regularly. The explanation is that programming production costs have gone up. To provide the quality of programs that viewers want to see, the cable outlets have raised their rates to viewers. Maybe it's time to reconsider what we're doing and say thanks to the cable companies by canceling your subscriptions. Thanks, Cable Provider, my TV has an "off" switch. |
