I'll be having a 25th anniversary in a few weeks. It was on Feb. 1, 1981 that I smoked my last cigarette. I had been smoking since I was in high school—it was the cool thing to do. Later, in college, I decided that it would be suave to start smoking a pipe. After that I alternated between pipes and cigarettes. Then there were the weddings and new babies that occasioned the smoking of a cigar.
When I quit smoking, I was using about two and a half packs a day. That wasn't an economic problem in those days when a carton of 10 packages cost about $3, assuming that you bought them in Indiana which had a very low tax on smokes. At the time I quit, I had a carton and a half of cigarettes in my stash. They are still there since I subscribe to the formula of 12 step programs that state you should eliminate your habit "one day at a time."
I quit smoking because my doctor friends convinced me it would hurt me to continue with my habit. I quit cold-turkey and haven't regretted it. I know that if I ever start again, I'll go to the place in Indiana where they sell those $3 cartons of cigarettes. Nor has my quitting made me into an avid advocate for the non-smoking elements of our society. I always figured that I was simply a smoker who hadn't smoked that day. While "that day" has extended over 25 years, the healthy attitude has kept me from resuming
my habit.
Now that the City fathers have decided in their infinite wisdom to ban smoking from most if not all public places, I suppose that many Chicagoans will be healthier, though once again, their freedom to be stupid has been eroded by do-gooders who oppose the idea of second hand smoke invading their breathing space. I've decided to take their concerns to heart and to propose a series of laws and regulations which will carry their objectives of a smoke free, pollutant free and carcinogen free atmosphere to its logical extremes.
First on my agenda is the banning of heavy trucks on all City expressways. The diesel fumes they emit are certainly offensive and they are probably a cause of atmospheric distress suffered by many of those who opposed cigarette smoking. By banning the trucks, I realize that our food deliveries would be seriously curtailed since most of the food distribution system in use in the United States is based on truck deliveries. But since we are acting in the interest of a healthier atmosphere, the trucks should come first. And they should be followed almost immediately by all City trucks which haul garbage, clean streets and provide a number of other services which the Mayor has deemed advisable, though their implementation has raised questions about hired trucks.
Following the banning of all trucks from City streets, it's time to consider the impact made by CTA busses which are frequently seem to emit heavy black smoke as they accelerate from street corners. The fact that commuters rely on busses to get to and from work is secondary to having clean air to breath if and when they arrive at the workplace. We're told that walking, the logical alternative to busses, is healthy and poses no environmental threats.
And speaking of heavy smoke, anyone who has driven in the vicinity of electric power plants realizes that those tall smokestacks located around the plants are there for a purpose. They should be eliminated and coal fired furnaces should be shut down. This will eliminate the electricity from the jobs that people will no longer be able to get to because of the bus line shut down. This will also serve to eliminate the el trains which use electrical power and which cause noise pollution as they screech around corners.
Now, finally, it's time to eliminate automobiles which are considered to be the principal cause of pollution in our atmosphere. We can wait in our somewhat truncated industrial society for the auto makers to develop practical alternatives to the fossil fueled engines we have been using for more than a century.
When we have completed all these tasks which are enacted primarily on a local or State level, it's time to move on to the Federal government. Regulation of airplanes is a priority of the Federal government and they all burn fossil fuels which would have to be eliminated. So, too, would interstate trains which burn diesel fuel. And then there are the military services which also use a lot of motor driven equipment. I suppose they can be reconfigured so that we use horse drawn vehicles and sail vessels, though I can't imagine how a nuclear powered submarine can navigate several hundred feet below the ocean surface by using sails and wind power. Horse power is certainly the way to go—it was good enough for our founding fathers and it's certainly good enough for us.
I suppose there's a moral in this story. If you want to stop people from expressing their foolishness by smoking, you've started on a slippery slope and there's no bottom in sight. Stopping smoking might be a good idea, but then again, so was prohibition. I can see those smoke-easy bars and restaurants where you have to knock on the door twice and tell the bouncer inside that you are to be the guest of Lord Marlboro. |
